Archives for August 2015

When I go to a restaurant and my soup is cold, I tell the waiter.

Why? Well, a) I don’t really like eating cold soup, and b) I’m sure it wasn’t intended on being served cold, so I’d like to get it rectified. When I tell them, the waiter doesn’t choose to ignore me, or proceed to tell me I’m being “overdramatic”, he (or she!) will apologize, and proceed to fix the issue – bring me hot soup.

If the relationship I’m in, whether it be serious, or still in the early stages has fizzled, I should be able to tell him just as easily as telling the waiter about my soup that whatever’s been going on has run its course, but I can’t. It’s drawn out into a long, ultimately awkward process, that usually leads to one person looking ‘crazier’ and more ‘desperate’ than the other.

Okay, whatever. Soup and relationships are two completely different things to talk about, but I almost wish they weren’t. I wish that saying “I’m sorry, you’re great, but I don’t see this going anywhere” was as simple as saying “I’m sorry, everything’s great, but my soup is cold.” Instead, we choose to do the complete opposite and avoid it at all costs, leaving it to stale and get moldy (much like the bread you get with cold soup – mmm).

Why, in an age where most communication is done electronically anyway, is it still so difficult to grow the balls to own up to how you feel, and lay it all out on the table? Hurting people sucks, but holding onto something and avoiding the truth is also hurtful. Just man up, please, and avoid the awkward moments of ignoring a message or two, or being resented for doing something you’re unaware you’re doing. Most of the time, I know I don’t say anything because I’m afraid of hurting someone, or being hurt myself. In the long run, I think it’s okay to be selfish to have closure, some piece of mind, and to finally have the ability to move on.

Being hurt will sting, but you’re only hurting yourself in the end if you don’t get the truth. Hurting doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human.

Welcome to the club.

There’s like 7 billion of us.

xo.

Remember when we were all younger and the only notions we had of dating were what we saw on TV and in movies? The guy (we’ll call him Mr. Right) would pick the girl (Mrs. Right, for lack of a better name) up at her brownstone – because anyone who was anyone had a brownstone, they’d go out for dinner or see a movie, he’d drop her off at home, give her a goodnight kiss and then tell her he’d call her later. A few days go by and Mr. Right calls, and they decide to see each other again on Saturday night. Saturday night rolls around, and he picks her up, they go for dinner… and the cycle continues.

How utterly easy and seamless it all seemed. Of course, I’m not factoring in how Mr. and Mrs. Right are feeling about anything, just the logistics and mechanics of dating. Today, however, it’s a lot different.

There are so many more factors to consider when we’re dating, and it’s safe to say that a lot of them have to do with technology, and the advancements of the 21st Century lifestyle. Over the past few days, I’ve compiled a list of why I think dating these days is the absolute worst.

1. Cellphones
Seriously. Handheld devices that are basically attached to the palm of our hands make it so much harder to distance ourselves from.. well everything. We are constantly available, whether or not we’re actually available. Our e-mails are linked directly to our phones, text messaging and various other social media apps are right at our fingertips. But when you’re dating/involved with someone, knowing that you can contact them at any moment is probably the worst thing about it all. You can have immediate contact – you’ll text back and forth for minutes, but then as soon as they don’t reply to one text in particular you enter crazy mode and it’s the end of the world. And don’t lie, you know you do it – whether it’s going completely crazy, or just having that nagging thought of “why isn’t he/she texting me back?!” in the back of your mind, it’s happened. And because of this silly little thing we call “convenient”, we also feel like we need to talk to each other every day. We don’t. It’s perfectly fine if we don’t. Trust me.

2. Social Media
Facebook. Instagram. Pinterest. Twitter. All of these.. just.. no. Forget it. Linking back to texting, these outlets allow us to cyber-stalk our victim.. er.. sorry, partner. The frustration we put ourselves through by being linked by these social media sites is enough for us to pull our hair out. Think about it: they don’t text back, so we check Facebook. They were online 3 minutes ago so why didn’t they reply? Or if you ask them to see a movie on a Wednesday night but they have plans – why not stalk Instagram all night and see if they post anything? The more we agonize over their every move, the more trust we lose. This is crazy girl behaviour. I know I’m guilty of it, which is why I made the rule of not being Facebook friends unless things start to get a little more serious. It’s a little change, but it makes a big difference. Not being able to Facebook creep is a lot less stressful when they don’t text back.

3. Movies/TV
I mentioned movies earlier, and everything back before all of these technological advances seemed so logical, and almost a lot simpler. Movies these days seem to have unrealistic ideas of romance. Grand gestures, flying halfway across the world to profess your love, getting off a plane just before it takes off to tell the person you love that you do in fact love them (if Rachel hadn’t of gotten off that plane I would have boycotted the entire series, I swear!). Today’s idea of romance sadly seems to be limited to dick pics and the odd late night booty-call, and all these movies are doing is putting these silly ideas that Mr. Right is gonna bump into us at the grocery store and sweep us off our feet. Granted, I’m sure there are a few people with tricks up their sleeves, so I’m not saying it’s not at all possible, but it hasn’t happened to me yet. Don’t worry, I’ll keep you all posted.

4. Online Dating
Not having to leave your couch and being able to meet new people? Sign me up! Online dating has become one of those 21st century things that is less and less taboo. When the idea first came about, no one would dare confess to meeting their significant other online. Now, there are sites like eHarmony and match.com that people willingly give their money to so that they can find true love. I’m sure people do still meet at bars, or through friends, but if I can sit in PJ’s with my hair up and make-up off and talk to boys I would be too shy to say hello to in person, why not? However, this does take the less personal approach, and takes away the face-to-face time we could be spending at a bar/pub and meeting new people. I can say anything when I’m behind a screen and keyboard – so why can’t others do the same? The thing that sucks about online dating is that people aren’t always who they say they are. And that’s misleading, heartbreaking, and a little scary all at the same time.

Of course, there are millions of other things that we deal with when dating these days: the pressure of perfection, the idea of monogamy, the “side chick” (is this really a thing now?!), and thanks to social media, the idea of how easy it is to cheat. I guess the only thing we can do is take everything in stride, and hope to God that the Delorian can transport all of us to a much simpler time. Or at least, stop being so crazy and take a step away from having our phones glued to us at all times.

Dating sucks.

xo.